How To Win Friends

Source: http://www.tipssquared.com/meeting-rude-restaurant-guest-day/

'How To Win Friends and Influence People', originally published in 1936
is a sociology book with many useful techniques and strategies
to better your social habits.  This post is a small section
from the chapter titled 'Six Ways To Make People Like You'.

Become Genuinely Interested In Other People

All people share the common desire to be accepted.  We want friends and companions who are part of our lives.  The goal here is mutual, and so is the first roadblock to the process.  HOW do you win friends?  Sociology is a complex subject, but there is one principal to making friends anybody can understand.

The effective way to make friends is to become interested in others.  You would think making friends is hard just because some part of who you are is undesirable.  In fact, it is the opposite!  It is how you engage in the other person that causes people to turn away.  You give what you get.  The more fascinated you are with them, the more desirable you will appear.  

Carnegie backs up his reasoning of this claim with a personal anecdote, "When I was five years old, my father bought a little pup for fifty cents... Tippy was my constant companion for five years.  Then one tragic night, he was killed by lightning... Tippy knew by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you" (Carnegie 53-54).  Dogs are man's best friend because they love us more than they love themselves.  Dogs have an interest and excitement for other people, which in turn makes us love them back.  This social premise is exactly identical for humans!

Having interest in other people comes from the idea of putting others in front of ourselves and being selfless.  The more intrigue and enthusiasm we show towards others, the more we will get in return.  Simple!  However, this social habit is easier said than done, since naturally, we have a fascination and interest in ourselves.  It takes practice and self-discipline to master the skill.  Being sincere with others and admiring who they are will make you stand out in their mind (Carnegie 53-63).  

I headed into the holiday weekend with this principal in the back of my mind; I was able to observe it in action and experience it firsthand.  Thanksgiving was truly the ideal scenario for this.  I watched as relatives conversed for hours over the things they had done and gone through since the last family meeting, months before in August.  For me personally, I caught myself having longer and more earnest conversations.  Whether it was my aunt asking me about plans and ambitions for college, or me questioning my younger cousins on their new, favorite toy, there's no denying this is a legitimate strategy to heighten your social habits.

With all this new information now in your mind, think about this question:  If this process of making friends causes others to feel better, won't it also make you feel better?

Carnegie, Dale. "Six Ways To Make People Like You." How To Win Friends and Influence People. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1981. N. pag. Print